FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
