I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
