covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
