Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize