Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
