I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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