All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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