You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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