I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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