I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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