We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
