when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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