I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
