I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
