So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
