we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
