did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
