Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
