long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
