don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
