on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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