So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
