I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
