why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i think i have two assholes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
