dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
