the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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