At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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