I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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