Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize