his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
