You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
