Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
