Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
