I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
