Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
