riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Come share oat with me in your robe
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
