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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
