last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
