Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
