Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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