Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We have so much sex to catch up on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
