Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
