I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
