Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
