I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
