Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
