We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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