I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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