Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
