Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
