Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
