Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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