Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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