Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
