I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
