what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
