Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
