At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
