redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
