i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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