How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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