you would pick up someone in the library
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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