The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
