There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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