My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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